Your father agreed to help when you arranged it. That does not mean he will agree when a caregiver is standing in his kitchen.
Before you hire, put three ordinary refusals in front of the agency or direct-hire candidate. Ask what the caregiver will do, who will call you, what will be written down, and whether the shift continues. Do not settle for “We handle that all the time.” You need a sequence you can compare.
1. Write three refusals that could happen in this house
Use tasks you actually expect during a shift. Keep each example short enough to read over the phone.
Doorway refusal: “Dad opens the door, recognizes the caregiver, and says he does not want anyone in the house.”
Task refusal: “Dad lets the caregiver in but refuses the shower that is on the task list.”
Meal refusal: “Dad says he is not hungry and will not come to the table.”
Replace those examples if they do not fit. The point is to test the provider against a real shift, not an abstract question about difficult situations. If you have not yet turned the household’s needs into specific tasks, use the sequence on Start Here: Five Steps to Hiring.
My three examples:
1. ________________________________________________
2. ________________________________________________
3. ________________________________________________
2. Ask for the first five minutes, in order
Read the first example and ask: “What is the caregiver instructed to do first?” Then keep the provider in sequence.
Ask these questions:
1. Does the caregiver remain at the door, leave the property, or call someone before deciding?
2. How many attempts may the caregiver make to explain the visit?
3. Who receives the first call?
4. How long does the caregiver wait for a return call?
5. Who has authority to end the shift?
Write the answer as numbered actions:
First: _____________________________________________
Second: __________________________________________
Third: ____________________________________________
Listen for named roles, a time limit, and a clear stopping point. “The caregiver uses judgment” leaves the decision with the person who has the least context and is standing outside the house.
Walk away from this answer if the provider cannot tell you whether the caregiver waits, enters, calls, or leaves. Also stop if the answer depends on reaching one family member and there is no second contact.
3. Separate refusal of one task from refusal of the whole shift
Now read the task-refusal example. Ask: “If he refuses this task, does the caregiver continue with the rest of the written work?”
Mark one answer:
_____ The caregiver offers the task again later.
_____ The caregiver moves to other agreed tasks.
_____ The caregiver calls before continuing.
_____ The provider treats the refusal as the end of the shift.
_____ The provider gave another answer: ____________________
Then ask who decides whether a second attempt is appropriate. Do not write “family” if the provider actually means one named person. Record the name or role.
Decision owner: _____________________________________
Backup decision owner: ______________________________
The hiring route matters here. An agency may supply the worker’s instructions and escalation path. In a direct hire, the family may have to build and maintain that process. Use Hire a Caregiver in St. Louis: Agency or Direct to keep those responsibilities separate while you compare answers.
4. Ask what the caregiver may say
Ask the provider to give you the words a caregiver would use after a refusal. You are checking for a repeatable response, not a performance.
Use this prompt: “Dad says no to the shower. What would you expect the caregiver to say next?”
Write the answer exactly enough that another caregiver could follow it:
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
A usable answer should fit the task and should end somewhere. It might include a reminder, an offered alternative, a later retry, or a call to the designated contact. The provider should be able to identify what its caregiver is not supposed to do.
Ask directly:
“What may the caregiver never do to get agreement?”
“When must the caregiver stop asking?”
“Can I put the approved wording in the house instructions?”
Walk away if the answer relies on pressure, deception, threats, or an instruction to complete the task regardless of the refusal.
5. Define the call threshold
Do not use “Call me if there is a problem.” Define which refusal creates the call.
Ask whether the caregiver calls when:
_____ Entry is refused.
_____ One scheduled task is refused.
_____ Food or drink is refused.
_____ A planned trip is refused.
_____ The caregiver is told to leave.
_____ The refusal continues after a second offer.
For every checked item, record who calls, whom they call, and how long they wait.
Primary contact: ____________________________________
Primary number: ___________________________________
Backup contact: ____________________________________
Backup number: ____________________________________
Maximum wait before the next step: ___________________
Ask what happens if nobody answers. The answer must end with an action the caregiver can take without inventing family policy on the spot.
6. Make the provider define an urgent exception
Ask: “What conditions move this out of the ordinary refusal process and into your urgent or emergency procedure?”
Do not supply the provider’s answer. Let the provider state its own threshold, call order, and documentation rule. Then ask where that procedure appears in the service agreement, handbook, or worker instructions.
Document name: ____________________________________
Section or page: ____________________________________
Provider’s urgent call order: __________________________
If you need public starting points for local aging, safety, or reporting contacts, use Local Help for Hiring a Caregiver. Put the numbers relevant to your household into the written plan. Do not expect a caregiver to search for them during a disputed shift.
7. Decide what record the family receives
Ask: “Where is a refused task recorded, and can the family see that record?”
Then ask for a blank copy or a demonstration of the entry. Check whether it captures:
_____ The task offered.
_____ The time it was offered.
_____ The response.
_____ Any alternative offered.
_____ The person contacted.
_____ The instruction received.
_____ Whether the rest of the shift continued.
_____ The caregiver’s departure time.
Do not ask for a promise that refusals will be documented. Ask where the entry lives, who reviews it, and how you receive it.
Record location: ____________________________________
Reviewer: _________________________________________
Family access method: _______________________________
8. Find out what happens to the scheduled time
A refused task does not tell you whether the caregiver remains in the house. Ask these questions before signing:
1. If entry is refused, when may the caregiver leave?
2. If one task is refused, what other agreed work may fill the time?
3. May the caregiver stay solely to provide presence or supervision if that is not on the written task list?
4. Who approves a change to the shift?
5. How is the unused or redirected time shown on the shift record?
Write the rule, not the reassurance:
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Walk away if the provider cannot connect its verbal answer to the agreement, service plan, or written worker instructions.
9. Run the same test with the backup person
Ask who takes the call when your usual contact is unavailable. Give that person the same doorway example and ask for the next step.
If the second answer conflicts with the first, stop the comparison and ask the provider to reconcile the two answers in writing.
First answer: _______________________________________
Backup answer: ____________________________________
Final written rule: __________________________________
10. Put the refusal plan beside the agreement
Before you commit, compare your notes with the documents the provider expects you to sign. Mark any sentence that gives the provider broad discretion to end, suspend, or alter a shift. Ask how that sentence applies to each of your three examples.
Attach the final refusal sequence to the service plan or house instructions if the provider permits it. Give the family contact and the provider the same copy.
Your finished page should answer five questions without another phone call:
1. What does the caregiver do first?
2. When does the caregiver stop asking?
3. Who gets called, and who is next?
4. Does the rest of the shift continue?
5. Where is the refusal recorded?
For the public materials used to build the site’s hiring sheets, including government and nonprofit resources, keep Sources with your comparison notes. The writing method behind these checks is explained on How We Write the Sheets.