Many families decide they need a caregiver because of one bad day. The more useful signal is the quiet week: the stretches when the parent sees no one, answers no call, and nobody outside the house can say how the days went. Before you decide that is the problem a caregiver should solve, count it.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Step 1: Keep a 14-day contact log

  1. Each day, write who came to the house, who called, and whether the parent answered or called back.
  2. Write any day with no contact at all.
  3. Write the longest stretch with no one seeing the parent.

Date: ________ Visitors: ________ Calls in or out: ________ No contact? Y / N

Longest gap found this period: ________ hours

Step 2: Check the signs you can see from outside

These are things anyone can observe without asking the parent. Write which ones you see, and who saw them.

  • Mail or deliveries collecting at the door
  • Missed calls that are never returned
  • Lights or the television on at odd hours with no one moving
  • Groceries or household supplies that are not being used or replaced
  • Only one neighbor or one person reporting on the parent's week

Step 3: Ask two people who see the parent

Pick two people outside the family who see the parent regularly, such as a neighbor, a member of a congregation, or a person who drives the parent to appointments. Ask each one the same three questions and write the answers without correcting them.

  1. When did you last see or hear from the parent, and what was the day like?
  2. Did anything look different from the last time you saw them?
  3. What did the parent say about the week?

Step 4: Tell a gap from a preference

A parent who chooses to be alone is not the same as a parent who cannot reach help. Write down what the parent can do without help: answer the phone, reach the door, get to the kitchen, make a call. Write down what they cannot do. This list is for the family to read, not for a clinical opinion. Health questions go to the doctor.

When this is an urgent call, not a hiring plan

If the parent has been hurt, cannot get up, has been out of contact in a way that worries the people who check on them, or is confused about where they are, do not wait for a caregiver to be hired. Call emergency services and then call the doctor.

Write the one sentence

A caregiver is here to ____________________ on ____________ days between ______ and ______. If the sentence cannot be filled in, the problem is not yet named well enough to hire for.

If the parent lives far from the family or the people who check on them are out of town, the steps for finding local help are in Local Help for Hiring a Caregiver.