A parent who refuses a caregiver in the first two weeks is giving you information, but it is not always the same information. Before you change agencies or cancel the start, sort each refusal into one of three bins: the person, the plan, or the timing. The fix is different for each.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Step 1: Keep a refusal log

Write one line for every refusal. Do not summarize it in your head, because by the end of the week every refusal will feel the same.

Visit number: ____

What the parent said or did: ____

What the caregiver was doing in the minutes before: ____

What time of day it was: ____

Was anyone else in the house: ____

Step 2: Sort each refusal into a bin

The person. The refusal is about how the caregiver talks, moves, or handles the parent's routine, and it shows up no matter what task is assigned. The parent may name a specific habit, such as being rushed, being corrected, or being called by a nickname they dislike.

The plan. The refusal is about a task. Bathing, meals, a new driveway, or a first visit that tried to do too much are common examples. If the same caregiver is accepted for a smaller or different task, the plan is the problem.

The timing. The refusal happens on bad mornings, after a medical appointment, or right after a visitor leaves. The caregiver was not the cause on those days.

Step 3: Ask the parent one question

Ask: What would make this visit easier for you? Listen for a task answer (a specific job or hour) before a person answer (a general dislike). A task answer points to the plan. A general dislike points to the person.

Write what they said: ____

Step 4: Test the bin with one change

Change one thing only. Shorten the first visit, move it to a time the parent chooses, or ask the agency or the direct caregiver for a second person to try the same task. Then log the next three visits the same way.

Signs to stop and walk away

  1. The caregiver blames the parent in writing or in front of the parent.
  2. You raised the same plan problem twice and nothing in the plan changed.
  3. The refusals keep coming after the plan and timing were both changed.
  4. The agency or caregiver asks the family to pressure the parent into accepting the visit.

If you reach the fourth sign, the question is no longer about this parent's comfort. It is about whether the arrangement can be trusted to respect the parent's choices. Start over with a new search, using the steps on the Start Here: Five Steps to Hiring page.