A parent who says everything is fine may be right, or may be covering a gap they do not want to name. You do not need to argue about it. You need a log of what is actually happening in the house. Keep the log for a stretch long enough to see a pattern, and let the pattern decide whether you are looking at a bad week or a standing need. If you are looking for the first step in naming a need at all, the Start Here: Five Steps to Hiring page sets it out.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Step 1: Keep an outside log

Each time you visit, or each time you check from a distance, write down what you see. Keep to plain facts.

  1. Mail: unopened envelopes, late notices, or bills paid twice.
  2. Food: what is in the refrigerator compared with last visit.
  3. Laundry and bedding: what is clean, what is piled, what has not changed.
  4. Car and yard: new dents, a lawn that has not been cut, lights left on.
  5. Calls: how many times you called and got no answer, and how many times you had to call back.

Write here:

What I saw: ____________________

What I did about it: ____________________

Who else noticed: ____________________

Step 2: Sort each entry

  1. Task left undone.
  2. Task done late.
  3. Task done by someone else, such as a neighbor or a family member.

Count how many entries fall in each group. A task done by someone else is a sign that the need is already being covered by people who may not be able to keep it up.

Step 3: Decide what the pattern is

A single bad week is one entry. A standing gap is the same task missed two or more times, or the same person covering it again and again. Write your conclusion in one sentence.

Write here:

The pattern I see: ____________________

The task that repeats most: ____________________

What this log cannot tell you

The log tells you about the house and the tasks. It does not diagnose anything. If you see a sudden change in how your parent walks, speaks, or thinks, or a fall, or a smell of gas, call the parent's doctor or emergency services now. Those are not hiring steps, and they come before any hiring step.