Many families agree that a parent needs help, and the parent says no. The hiring work cannot move forward until someone can point to something they actually checked. This guide gives you three visible checks to run before you decide whether the claim of being fine holds up. It does not assess health. A clinician answers medical questions.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Step 1: Write down the claim in the parent's words

  1. Write exactly what your parent says. Use their words, such as 'I'm fine, I manage.'
  2. Write what anyone else in the house has reported, if anyone else lives there or visits often.

Parent says: ______________________________________________

Others report: ____________________________________________

Step 2: Run the three visible checks

  1. Bills and mail. Look at the mail table, the drawer, or the bill pile. Note envelopes that are still sealed, notices that repeat across visits, and bills that are paid on time.
  2. The kitchen. Look at what is in the refrigerator and cupboards, and whether it matches what the parent says they eat. Write what you see, not what you think it means.
  3. One ordinary morning. Ask your parent to walk you through the morning from getting up to leaving the house, or to show you the route from the bedroom to the front door.

Check 1 result: ______________________________________________

Check 2 result: ______________________________________________

Check 3 result: ______________________________________________

Step 3: Ask questions that show the routine

  1. What did you do yesterday from the time you got up until lunch?
  2. Who did you speak with this week, and what did you talk about?
  3. What would you do if you could not get to the door in time to answer it?

Listen for: specific times, names, and places. Answers like 'I'll get to it' or 'it's handled' without details are a note to write down, not proof either way.

Step 4: Decide what the checks show

Count the checks that show a gap: ______ of 3.

  • One gap is a note. Keep watching it and write down what you see at each visit.
  • Two or three gaps mean the claim of being fine does not hold up on what you can see. Write the gaps down before you talk with the rest of the family.

If your parent will not let you look, write down the refusal and what you asked, then go to Start Here: Five Steps to Hiring for the order of the next moves.