Most families wait for a complaint. Parents who are uneasy with a caregiver rarely complain first. They say less, change the subject, or arrange their day around the hours the caregiver is not there. None of these proves anything by itself. Each one is a line in a log you can keep from the first week.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Step 1: Set a baseline in week one

  1. After the first three shifts, write what your parent says about the day without being prompted. Keep it to four lines.
  2. Write the caregiver's name the way your parent says it. Note any changes or nicknames.
  3. When you visit, note what your parent asks you to do. Keep a column for asked me to come instead.

Step 2: Ask open questions, not leading ones

  • Ask how the afternoon went, not whether the dishes got done.
  • Ask what your parent did while the caregiver was there, not whether the caregiver was nice.
  • Write the answer in your parent's words. Do not correct it.

Step 3: Recognise the early changes

  • Your parent stops naming the caregiver and refers to someone or the lady.
  • Your parent answers the door later, or waits until the caregiver has left before answering.
  • Your parent moves keys, papers, or valuables to a new place and does not say why.
  • Your parent asks for the caregiver's schedule to change without giving a reason.
  • The caregiver's own notes describe shorter visits than the schedule shows.

Step 4: Decide what to do with the log

Bring the log to one conversation with the agency or the caregiver, and ask for a specific answer to each entry. A good answer names a fix and a time it will be checked. A weak answer repeats the schedule back to you.

Walk away when

  • Your parent reports being hurt, frightened, or left alone when they should not be.
  • You find signs of injury, missing money or property, or a door your parent cannot open from inside.

In those cases, stop the arrangement now and contact the local adult protective services line. The numbers and next steps are on Local Help for Hiring a Caregiver. Keep the log, because it helps whoever takes the call.