Laundry looks like the easiest thing in the house to hand to someone else. It is also the task that comes back every day, touches the parent's clothes and bedding, and turns into an argument when nobody has written down who does it. Before you make any calls, sort the washing into three lanes: the family keeps it, a hired person takes it, or it waits until you know more.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Step 1: Break "laundry" into its separate tasks

Do not write one word on the list. Write each piece of the work on its own line: gathering clothes from each room, sorting, running the washer, moving wet items to the dryer, folding, putting things away, stripping and remaking the bed, carrying the basket up and down stairs, and taking soiled items to the machine. Each line is a separate decision, and one line may belong in a different lane than the next.

Write them here:

1. ______________________________

2. ______________________________

3. ______________________________

4. ______________________________

Step 2: Mark how often each task happens

Next to each line, write daily, weekly, or as needed. Be honest about the as-needed items, because they are the ones families most often forget. Bed linens that need changing on a bad night are a common example. Count them, even if they only happen a few times a month.

Step 3: Mark who does each task today

Write the name of whoever does it now: you, a sibling, the parent, a neighbor, or nobody. A line that says nobody is the most important finding on the page. Those are the tasks that will fall to a hired person by default unless you decide otherwise first.

Step 4: Assign every line to one lane

Keep: the family does it, the task is small, and the family is willing to keep doing it on a fixed schedule.

Hire: the task is steady, it is not being done today, and the family will not take it on.

Wait: the answer depends on what the parent can safely do in the house. Decide after a week of watching, and write the date you will decide on the line. Do not leave it open.

Lane for each line: Keep, Hire, or Wait. Write one word beside each task above.

Step 5: Ask the provider to confirm each Hire line

Take only the Hire lines to the provider. Ask these questions and write down the answers word for word:

Does the caregiver run the washer and dryer, or only fold what is already clean?

Do they change bed linens, and how often is that included in the quoted hours?

Who handles soiled items, where do they go, and who buys the detergent?

Does a load of washing count toward the shift, or is it treated as a separate task?

What happens if the machine breaks or the basket goes up the stairs and the caregiver cannot manage it?

Answers to listen for: a named task with a time window, such as "we fold and put away during the shift and change the bed on the day you choose." Those are answers you can write into the routine.

Answers that need a second question: "we help with household tasks." Ask for the list of tasks by name. Then ask whether each one is written into the routine or only mentioned in conversation.

Signs to walk away from a laundry answer

Walk away, or at least stop and get the answer in writing, if the provider will not say what is included, if laundry is billed in a way you cannot find on the quote, or if they say laundry is not part of the job and then expect the caregiver to do it anyway. The same goes for any plan that has the caregiver washing clothes for other people in the house without the family having agreed to it first.

What to write down before the first call

Keep one page with four columns: the task, how often, who does it today, and the lane. Bring only the Hire lines to the phone. Use Start Here: Five Steps to Hiring to see where this page fits in the larger sequence, and compare what providers say against the agency and direct options described on Hire a Caregiver in St. Louis: Agency or Direct. Whatever a provider agrees to on the phone, ask for it in the written routine before the first shift.