A spouse who lives in the house changes the job. Some of the work is already done by the partner, some of it the partner cannot do, and some of it will quietly move onto the caregiver unless you decide otherwise in advance. This guide sets the size of the hire around the people who actually live in the home.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Step 1: List what the partner does now

  1. Write down every task the partner does for the parent this week: meals, transport, bathing help, appointments, laundry, paperwork, nights.
  2. Mark each task as done by the partner, shared, or done by no one yet.
  3. Write how many hours each task takes in a normal week.

Write-in grid: Task ________ Who does it now ________ Hours per week ____ Will the partner keep doing it? yes / no / unsure

Step 2: Separate the parent's needs from the household's needs

The caregiver is hired for the parent. Decide in writing whether the caregiver will also cook for the partner, wash the partner's clothes, or run household errands for both of them. If the answer is yes for any of these, count those hours into the size of the hire. If the answer is no, say so before the first shift so the caregiver is not left to guess.

Step 3: Decide whether the partner counts as backup

Many families assume the spouse will cover a missed shift. Ask the question directly: will the partner be the backup for a missed shift, a late shift, or a shift that needs to be cut short? Write the answer down. If the answer is no, the no-show plan must name someone else. If the answer is yes, confirm the partner is free for those hours and is willing to be the backup in writing.

Step 4: Count the hours the partner is not in the house

  • Work hours, commute time, and travel.
  • The partner's own appointments and errands.
  • Sleeping hours and any nights the partner is away.

The gap between these hours and the parent's needs is the part of the week the hire must cover. Write that gap as a number of hours per day and per week.

Step 5: Set the partner's role during shifts

Decide whether the partner gives directions to the caregiver during a shift or whether the caregiver follows the written plan. Two people giving different instructions is one of the most common reasons a shift goes wrong. Write one sentence that says who the caregiver takes direction from when the partner and the family plan disagree.

Walk-away signs

  • The provider assumes the partner will supervise without asking whether the partner can.
  • The provider cannot separate the parent's tasks from the household chores in writing.
  • The provider's size estimate does not change after you describe the partner's hours.

For local providers and agencies that serve the St. Louis area, see Local Help for Hiring a Caregiver.