Many families meet this situation without planning for it. A parent stays with one child on certain nights and returns to their own home on others, or splits the week between two adult children's houses. The caregiver is hired for one address, the bag goes back and forth, and the shift notes end up in whichever kitchen the person happened to be in. Size the arrangement to both addresses on paper first.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Step 1: Write the calendar for both homes

Make a grid with one row for each day of a normal week. For each day, write which address the parent sleeps at, which address the caregiver is needed at, and whether the visit is one house, both houses, or a move between them.

Monday: ____________________ Tuesday: ____________________ Wednesday: ____________________

Thursday: ____________________ Friday: ____________________ Saturday: ____________________ Sunday: ____________________

Step 2: Sort what must travel and what must stay

  1. Medicine stays with the family, the doctor, and the pharmacist. Write down which supply list goes with the parent and which stays at each address.
  2. Mobility aids, glasses, hearing devices, and the daily bag: list each item and its home address.
  3. Clothing for each stay: decide whether it is duplicated or moved.
  4. Shift notes: decide whether there is one log that travels with the parent or a log at each address.

Step 3: Count the keys and the handoffs

Each address needs its own key holder and its own alarm or lock instructions. Write down who holds each key, and who tells the caregiver when the parent is moving between homes. Every move is a handoff, and every handoff is a place the notes can fall apart.

Questions to put to each provider

  1. Can the caregiver work at both addresses, and on which days?
  2. How does the provider log a visit at one address when the parent is at the other?
  3. What does the caregiver need to bring, and what do they leave behind each time the parent moves?
  4. Who on the provider side is told when the parent's stays change?

Signs the fit is wrong

  • The caregiver arrives at the address where the parent is not staying that night.
  • A medical or daily supply is at the other house when it is needed.
  • Two family members hold different versions of the schedule.

What to write down

Keep one page with both addresses, the calendar grid, the key holders, and the log location. Update it each time the parent's stays change, and bring the page to any review of the arrangement.