The care plan names one caregiver for a set of hours. When someone else comes through the door during those hours, the plan has changed even if nobody said so. Sometimes the extra person is harmless, such as a relative who drops off a casserole. Sometimes it is a friend of the caregiver, a neighbor who has started stopping by, or a person your parent has begun inviting in. You cannot tell which without a written list, so build the list before the first shift.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Step 1: Write the names that are allowed

  1. Write the caregiver's name and any backup name the caregiver or agency gave you: ____________________
  2. Write each family member who has a key, door code, or phone alert for the house: ____________________
  3. Write the hours each name is allowed inside: ____________________
  4. Write who may approve a new name, and how you will be told: ____________________

Keep this list on paper near the shift notes, not only on a phone. If your parent has a say in who comes over, write their wishes on the same sheet so the conflict is visible from day one.

Step 2: Ask these questions before the start date

  1. Who else may be inside the house while you are working? Listen for a plain answer with names and hours. Walk away if the answer is 'it depends' with no rule behind it.
  2. If someone new comes to the door, what do you do? Listen for a step you can check, such as a text to a named family member before the person comes in. Walk away if the answer is 'we handle it' with no way for you to see it.
  3. Will you bring anyone to the house who is not on this list? Listen for a flat no, or a request made in advance with a name and a time. Walk away if the caregiver treats the question as an insult.
  4. Who holds the keys and codes today, and who will hold them after the first week? Write the answer: ____________________

Step 3: Put a visitor line in every shift note

Add one line to the shift note on the kitchen counter: Visitors this shift: name, time in, time out. If the answer is none, write none. A blank line is not the same as none, so require one or the other every day. This is the cheapest record you can keep, and it turns a feeling into a fact you can check.

Signs to write down

  • A person arrives during a shift and the caregiver does not give a name or a reason.
  • A visitor stays past the end of the shift, or comes back on days that are not on the schedule.
  • Your parent mentions a helper you have never heard of, and no one on the family list knows that person.
  • Items your parent uses every day go missing, and the visitor line for those days is blank or says none. Write down what you see and when. Do not accuse anyone in writing until you have the facts.
  • The caregiver asks to bring a companion, a child, or a pet to the house without asking first.

What to do the same day

  1. Ask the caregiver, in writing or by text, who the person was and why they came. Write the reply and the time.
  2. Ask your parent, calmly and without a list of accusations, who came by. Do not make your parent choose between you and the visitor.
  3. If anyone in the house appears to be in danger, call 911 first and sort out the rest afterward.
  4. If a key or code was given to someone who should not have it, change the lock or code the same day and ask for any spare key back in writing.
  5. Write down what you decided and what you will check next shift: ____________________

Where to look for the rules

If the agency or caregiver cannot give you a clear answer about who may enter the house, go back to the start of the process. The Five Steps to Hiring page lays out the order in which these terms should be settled, and the agency or direct comparison explains which party is responsible for the people sent into your home. A caregiver who cannot answer those questions in plain words is telling you something about the arrangement.