Sheet 08 · When it is not working

What to do if the caregiver is not working out

Published September 10, 2026. Desk byline, no clinician. Every fact links to its source.

You hired. Three shifts in, something is off. They are late. They argue about the shower. The notebook is blank. You are asking, at 2am, what to do if the caregiver is not working out, and whether you can ask a home care agency for a different caregiver without blowing up the whole plan. This sheet is a ladder. Start on the bottom rung. Climb only as far as the facts take you. Changing caregivers is not a failure of your judgment. It is the process working.

Say the small thing first

Family Caregiver Alliance’s working-with-home-care page is built for this week, not for a catastrophe. It says a care plan needs to be evaluated as often as needed, that plans change, and that if the plan you have developed cannot be fixed, you change it: change the duties, change the worker, get professional advice. Start with the duties. “The bath is before breakfast, not after television.” “Please write one line in the notebook before you leave.” Put it in writing. Date it. That is not a confrontation. That is the job description catching up to the house.

FCA also says to set up a plan for checking in with the worker regularly, face to face or on the telephone, early, because it is harder to start that practice after a problem arises. If you skipped that in week one, start it this week. A five-minute call after the Thursday shift is a rung. Skipping it and exploding on Sunday is not.

Write down what you saw, not what you fear. “Arrived at 10:40, shift was 9:00.” Leave the diagnosis out of it.

Can I ask a home care agency for a different caregiver?

Yes. Family Caregiver Alliance says if you feel uncomfortable with the person who is sent, you can always ask the agency to send someone else. Ask the office, not the worker, if the company is the employer. Say what is not working. Ask when a different person can start, and who is in the house until then. Keep the email or the dated note. You are not scoring the company. You are using the substitute they already told you they could send.

If you hired privately, you are the employer. FCA’s hiring sheet is blunt about that lane: you are responsible for hiring and firing. Still start with a conversation and a written note. If it is not a match after the two or three weeks FCA names as a trial, end it in the way your written agreement said you would. If you never wrote an agreement, write the end date and the last shift anyway, and pay through that date. This is not legal advice. If the agreement is a fight, the Missouri Bar’s LawyerSearch is the door for a lawyer in good standing, on the tax-and-paperwork sheet.

FCA’s working-successfully page says there are times when workers need to be fired, times when the worker needs to be reassured that they did the best they could, and times for praise. You do not owe a speech. You owe a clear next shift.

What happens if the caregiver does not show up for a shift?

Call the company that day. Not tomorrow. Ask four questions and write the answers:

1. Who is covering this shift?
2. What time will they arrive?
3. Who do I call if that person does not arrive either?
4. Will the missed hours be made up, and how? (No dollar figure. Hours only.)

Family Caregiver Alliance says accountability is essential and needs to be discussed even before the start of care, and that if your loved one cannot be left alone, coverage for absences must be clarified: will the agency or private contractor provide backup, and is that acceptable to you? If you hired through a company, the backup is their problem to solve that morning. If you hired privately, the backup is yours. That is why the two-lane sheet exists. A no-show is not a personality issue. It is a coverage issue. Put the answer you got on day one in the folder so you are not negotiating it in the driveway.

If nobody is coming and your parent cannot be left alone, you stay, or a sibling stays, or you call the company again. Do not leave a gap and hope. The overnight grid on the hours sheet is how you see the gap before it happens.

Who do I call if I think a caregiver is stealing from my mom?

This page does not accuse anyone. It does not tell a story about a caregiver who stole. If cash is missing, a check is gone, or jewelry is not where it was, you treat it as a possible crime and as a possible adult-protective issue, not as a review of the company.

Call local police for a theft. That is their job.

Call Missouri’s Adult Abuse and Neglect Hotline. The Department of Health and Senior Services prints the number as 1-800-392-0210 (Relay Missouri 1-800-735-2966), with hotline hours 7 days a week from 7:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m., and reports can also be made online at moapss.health.mo.gov. DHSS says Missouri’s Adult Protective Services program helps eligible adults who require assistance with abusive, neglectful or exploitative situations. The same number is on the state’s three-types-of-care page for abuse and neglect.

Missouri statute defines an eligible adult as a person 60 years of age or older who is unable to protect his or her own interests or adequately perform or obtain services necessary to meet essential human needs, or an adult with a disability between ages 18 and 59 in the same situation. Certain people are required to report. You do not need this desk to tell you whether you are one of them. If you have reasonable cause to suspect, you call.

The National Institute on Aging says that if you suspect an older person is being mistreated, family and friends must step in and report what you see to an authority. Shame on the older person’s part is common. Waiting for them to file the report is not a plan.

For a dispute with a company that is about billing, a contract, or a service that was not delivered, the Missouri Attorney General’s consumer complaint page is the door. The office mediates complaints between businesses and consumers and prints a Consumer Protection Hotline at 1-800-392-8222. You can file online. The office says it is prohibited by law from providing legal advice to you. If you want to preserve private legal rights, they tell you that you may wish to contact a private attorney. The Attorney General’s seniors page also lists the elder abuse hotline; that page prints the hours as 7 a.m. to Midnight. DHSS prints 7:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. This desk quotes both pages. It does not pick a winner. Call the DHSS number for an abuse or neglect report. Call the AG hotline for a consumer complaint.

If you hired through a company, tell the office the same day you call the police or the hotline. You are not asking their permission. You are telling them the person is not coming back into the house. If New Plan Care is the company in this house, the office is still the first call for a swap. This sheet does not score that office.

A different door, if you need one

The Eldercare Locator is the federal directory for in-home help and other local services: eldercare.acl.gov or 800-677-1116. Aging Ahead covers the county. The St. Louis Area Agency on Aging covers the city. Those are directories. They do not rank companies. They do not take a side in a sibling fight. They are how you find the next call if this one is over.

FCA’s last word on a plan that cannot be fixed is short: change the duties, change the worker, get professional advice. Focus on three questions: Is your loved one safe? Is their health being maintained? Are they connected to the home care worker? If the answer to the first is no, you are on the hotline rung, not the notebook rung.

Sources opened 10 September 2026. Full list on the sources page.